There was a point in my life that I realized that I had been “metaphorically” faking the orgasm.

What does that mean?

I was going around boosting the ego’s of everyone else, while I was being left to dry up. Leading me to turn my back on myself.

I recognized this pattern and affirmed from that point forward I would respond to situations with “not before myself”. Meaning, decisions I make would not come at the cost of betraying who I really was.

Read below the entry I made.

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So I faked it. 

Conformed. 

Pretended to be someone I wasn’t. 

I acted the part. 

I wore a mask.

The problem? I never felt loved. I never felt understood. I never felt “seen” or truly desired. 

And in return – I never felt fulfilled. 

Why? Because he never loved me. The true me. He loved the version I showed him. And I never felt the love because the love I was receiving wasn’t for me… 

It was for who I created.

So what now? How can I make up for the past 37 years of feeling unloved?

I will have to reflect on this…”

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Fast forward to today.

My words for you….

We’ve all done it at some point—faked a smile, agreed to something we didn’t really want. *Actually* faked an orgasm for whatever reason (probably to boost someone’s ego). Or pretended to be someone we weren’t just to feel loved or accepted. Maybe we thought if we played the part well enough, we’d eventually feel that sense of fulfillment. A connection or the safety we were longing for. But it only led us to feeling empty.

So, what now? How do you make up for years—maybe even decades—of pretending. Of hiding behind a mask, and of longing for love that feels real?

The answer: vulnerability, rawness, and radical self-acceptance.

Why We Fake It

As women, there’s this expectation to be everything to everyone. And to be strong. ((And we wear that as a badge of honor)). So our priority is to keep it together and make sure everyone else is okay. Even at the expense of our own truth. We have to be beautiful and successful (but not too successful). We have to be great in bed, but not a slut. And we’re expected to be someone’s “ride or die”, but not too clingy. So what do we do? Fake it. Because there’s no way we can experience rejection or abandonment. That would be too painful. So we play a role in our relationships and friendships. And even careers because we believe that being our true selves might not be enough (or too much). So, we shrink ourselves to fit someone else’s mold.

But here’s what happens… When you create a version of yourself to please others, you rob yourself of the connection you truly crave. You may receive affection or recognition, but it’s not for you—it’s for the person you are presenting yourself as.

The Cost of Wearing a Mask

I spent years hiding behind that mask, and I know how exhausting it is. You feel disconnected, unworthy, and trapped in relationships or situations that don’t reflect who you really are. Every day, you show up as someone else. And the more you do it, the further you drift from your true self.

The cost of wearing that mask is high. You may get surface-level love and approval. But deep down, you’re left feeling unseen. You’re misunderstood, and emotionally starved. If you don’t show up as yourself, how can anyone love the real you? Celebrate the real you? Honor the real you? And if you don’t embrace who you truly are, how can you expect to feel fulfilled?

The turning point comes when you decide that living authentically. No matter how vulnerable it makes you feel—is the only way forward. So let’s talk about how you can start doing just that.

Get Honest About What You’re Hiding

Before you can remove the mask, you need to get clear on where it exists in your life. Ask yourself: *Where am I faking it?* This might be in your romantic relationship, friendships, family dynamics, or even your career. Where are you conforming, pretending, or hiding your true self?

Be brutally honest with yourself. This isn’t about blaming others—it’s about acknowledging where you’ve chosen to shrink or mold yourself into something you’re not.

Actionable Step:

Journal it out: Write down the areas of your life where you feel like you’re wearing a mask. What are you hiding, and why? What fears come up when you think about being fully seen?

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Acknowledge the Fear of Rejection

Vulnerability can be terrifying because it means showing up without the safety net of your mask. When you let your true self be seen, there’s a risk of rejection. But here’s the thing. If someone can’t love the real you, then their love was never meant for you in the first place. It’s better to be rejected for who you are than to be loved for a version of yourself that isn’t real.

The fear of rejection is a normal part of the process. Don’t let it stop you from stepping into your authenticity.

Actionable Step:

Embrace the “what if”: Ask yourself, “What if I show up as my true self, and they reject me?” Then ask, “What if I show up as my true self, and they love me even more for it?” Focus on the potential for deeper connection and love that comes with vulnerability.

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Start Small with Vulnerability

You don’t have to rip off the mask all at once. Start small by being more honest in your daily interactions. Speak up when something bothers you instead of staying silent. Let yourself express your true feelings—whether it’s excitement, sadness, or frustration. Vulnerability is a muscle that needs to be strengthened over time. So practice it in little ways each day.

Actionable Step:

Speak your truth: The next time someone asks how you’re doing, resist the urge to say “I’m fine” if you’re not. Share something real, even if it feels uncomfortable. It could be as simple as admitting, “Today’s been tough,” or “I’m feeling overwhelmed.”

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Stop Seeking External Validation

One of the biggest reasons we fake it is because we’re chasing external validation. We want to be liked, loved, and accepted by others. But when you base your self-worth on outside approval, you give your power away. The only validation that truly matters is the one you give yourself.

Actionable Step:

Affirm your worth: Every day, remind yourself that you are worthy of love, respect, and happiness—just as you are. Write down affirmations like, *I am enough. I deserve love without having to change who I am.*

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Redefine Love and Fulfillment

Real love can only exist where authenticity thrives. You deserve a love that sees and celebrates the real you—not the version you create to make someone else happy. Redefine what love and fulfillment mean to you. Let go of relationships, habits, and beliefs that don’t align with your truth. You deserve to feel fully seen, heard, and cherished for exactly who you are.

Actionable Step:

Reassess your relationships: Take a hard look at the people in your life. Are they loving the real you, or the version of you that pleases them? If it’s the latter, it might be time to have an honest conversation—or even let go.

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Embrace Radical Self-Love

The most powerful relationship you’ll ever have is the one with yourself. When you truly love and accept yourself, you no longer need to wear a mask. You can show up as the beautifully flawed, vulnerable, and real person that you are. And know that you are worthy of love just as you are.

Actionable Step:

Practice self-compassion: The next time you catch yourself slipping into people-pleasing mode or hiding behind your mask, pause. Give yourself grace. Self-love isn’t about being perfect—it’s about accepting yourself in all your messy, imperfect glory.

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Every time you present as someone you’re not, you’re abandoning pieces of your true self. You are neglecting your mind, body, and soul for the sake of validation that will never fill you up. You’re feeding someone else’s ego while starving your own spirit.

Your heart will ache. You’ll feel hollow.

The consequence? You drift so far from your truth that you stop trusting yourself. And from that mistrust comes a cascade of self-sabotage.

So I ask you—what is wearing that mask really costing you? Take. It. Off.

Reclaim your goddamn power.

Nurture the woman within. The one who’s been waiting, not for the world’s approval, but for YOU to finally see her, hear her, and desire her. She’s been there all along, waiting for you to hold her with the love and acceptance she deserves.

Now is the time to stop hiding. Stop pretending. Stop faking your orgasms—and start living your truth.

Your life is waiting. Will you answer?

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