And Why Slowing Down Was The Key
I have had many pivotal moments in my life. Where I had to pivot and make significant changes:
At 19: I dropped out of college and gave up a partial scholarship after I experienced a SA.
22: Got pregnant with my first daughter and got married.
24: Moved to Colorado to work on relationship. Became pregnant with my 2nd daughter and then moved back to Texas so we weren’t away from family.
25: Joined an online health/fitness consulting business.
26: Quit my corporate job and started battling health issues.
27: Filed for divorce and moved to a new city with my daughters.
30: Remarried.
31: Had my third daughter. Went through heart wrenching experience of postpartum depression + anxiety. But hid my mental health struggles from everyone.
34: Was diagnosed with OCD and Anxiety. Marriage felt like it was slipping away.
36: Filed for bankruptcy. Felt immense guilt and shame.
37: Lost my purpose. Pushed pause on my 7-figure business that was no longer sustainable and felt defeated. You can read about this story in depth HERE.
Up until this point, each one of these pivotal moments felt heavy. I wouldn’t dare admit that at the time. And I hid a lot of the immense pressure I felt. I was the “strong one”. “Pushing though”. “Hustling”. I actually felt like I had become someone I didn’t like. I did things out of obligation.
That was the expectation, right?! Put everything and everyone above myself. Sacrifice my well-being. Accept the bare minimum because it was available.
Betrayal. That is what I had experienced. And it felt unbearable.
With my parents. Girlfriends. Boyfriends. With my business partners. And my relationships.
But the most painful of all: with myself. I betrayed myself over and over again.
I chose to stay. To love someone more than I loved myself. I forgave so many times that I started unloving who I was. Ignoring the red flags.
“I can fix them. I will prove that I am worthy. Things will change.”
Mental fuckery.
I didn’t have standards. I didn’t have boundaries. I couldn’t define who I was. So I started building walls. And those walls were so high. I hid behind them. Being vulnerable? I don’t think so. That’s where you get hurt.
I was slowly losing myself.
And then, the life changing start of THE pivot presented itself to me.
I could sit in my pain. Accept that I am a failure. Settle. I could give in.
OR I could rise up.
I had walked into the fire a dozen times. But I had never walked THROUGH it.
I needed to burn my previous life to the ground, so that I could take the ashes and rise.
I couldn’t change my past. I couldn’t right the wrongs. I couldn’t fix all my mistakes.
But I could start where I was and pivot.
I could take every single lesson I had learned through the obstacles and course correct.
Each lesson birthed a new version of me.
I had no fucking clue what I was about to walk into. I had no idea what darkness I was about to face. But I was ready.
38 changed me…
During the last few months of 38, I decided to slow my life down. I disconnected.Went back to therapy and worked through my childhood trauma.
I reignited the relationship with my husband like never before. We grieved. We forgave. We loved. We held space for one another. We got vulnerable. We moved forward with grace.
I started finding “my glimmers” and joy again. Began picking up the broken pieces of my life.
First half of 39: I reunited with my mom (forgave her), started rediscovering my identity, still embracing the flow of life. Being intentional with my energy. Showing up more authentic.
And now here I am. In the last few months of 39. I look back and see Strength. Resilience. Unwavering belief in myself. I see each pivot as a lighthouse. Lighting my path. Revealing something new.
I now know where my energy should have gone. I know where my focus should have been the whole time.
If I had to do it all again, I am certain I would have the ability to collapse time.
And I want to share that wisdom with you. I want you to know it’s possible.
Before I would start taking any steps ahead, I would ask myself these 3 questions:
- Where have I been?
- Where do I want to be and why is that important?
- Who do I have to become to get there?
These questions aren’t just a quick reflection—they’re your roadmap. Look back at where you’ve been. What patterns, habits or beliefs have kept you stuck?
The key to answering where you want to be and why, is to uncover your values. It unlocks the answers to those questions. Because when you know what you value in life, you start making your desires based on it.
For example: if you want to be in a loving and supportive relationship, you might value honesty. Why do you value honesty? Because it makes you feel secure in your relationship. Or if you want to have a successful business, you might value financial stability. Why? Because you want to have the freedom to spend your time doing things that bring you purpose and joy.
From there, you can answer the third question. Who do I have to become to get there? What traits does that future version of you embody? Is she more confident, more resilient, more unapologetically herself? Now think about the favorite things about yourself. How can you amplify that?
This isn’t about becoming someone else; it’s about starting to strip away what’s not you. So that the real, authentic you can shine.
These questions are your guideposts, pointing you toward the shifts you need to make. So keep them in mind as we explore these life-changing moves. They can help you transition from where you are to where you truly want to be.
These are the foundation pivotal steps I would take if I had to do it all over again:
Pivot 1. Get Ruthlessly Honest with Myself
First up, I’d start by having a brutally honest conversation with myself. The kind where you look in the mirror and ask, “What’s really going on here?” It’s time to peel back the layers and get raw with what you truly want. Forget the “I’m fine” facade. When was the last time you listened to your gut and not your guilt? Honor your values and intuition—it’s your compass to real change.
2. Give Myself Permission to Feel All the Feelings
We’ve been taught to “stay strong” and push through, but guess what? Real strength comes from letting yourself be human. Cry it out, laugh too loud, scream into a pillow—whatever it takes to honor your emotions. They’re valid, messy, and beautifully yours. Feeling everything is part of the human experience, so let those emotions flow and heal as you go. Make a list of the emotions you might be suppressing and ask yourself “why”? Get to the root.
3. Recognize What’s Draining Me and Set Boundaries
You know those people who leave you feeling drained and doubting yourself after every interaction? It’s time to clear the table of those energy suckers and set boundaries that protect your peace. Boundaries aren’t about keeping people out; they’re about letting others know how to love and respect you better. Whether it’s friends, family, or your significant other, it’s crucial to communicate your needs and honor your truth. Imagine relationships that feel like sunshine, where your energy is protected, and your space is sacred. Say it with me: “I am worthy of safe relationships that lift me up.” Set those boundaries, stand your ground, and make room for connections that truly nourish your soul. Ps: this also means setting boundaries with yourself. What unhealthy behaviors are contributing to your suffering.
4. Redefine What Success Means To Me
Put on your blinders. Stop comparing yourself. And recognize what “success” means to you. Hint: it’s not a fancy title, packed schedule or curated life. What if success actually means just feeling at peace, being true to yourself, and finding joy in the little things? It’s time to redefine success based on what makes you feel alive—not what society says you should chase. Your journey is yours alone, so make it as bold, weird, and wonderful as you want.
5. Stop Trying to Do It All
Raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimized by your never-ending to-do list? We’ve been conditioned to think that being busy equals being productive, but busy is just…busy. I’d learn to prioritize what truly matters, delegate, and drop the need for perfection. Perfection often brings on imposter syndrome. It makes you feel like you’re not enough. Nobody’s got it all together, and trying to do it all will just burn you out. Do less, but do it with purpose.
6. Reconnect with My Inner Child
Remember when life was all about playing, dreaming, and being unapologetically you? I’d reconnect with my inner child. The part of me that knows how to have fun, dream big, and live in the moment. And if you had to grow up fast as a kid, this is even MORE important. Whether it’s painting, roller-skating, or simply daydreaming without guilt, bring that sense of wonder back into your life. Connect with your inner child by asking her what she needs right now? What would make her feel safe? Life is meant to be lived, not just survived, so let’s get playful and find joy in the everyday.
7. Embrace Slowing Down
This was SO hard for me. But it is honestly how I had the breathing room to do all of the above. I am not saying quit your job and give up all responsibilities at home. It means doing it with more intention and not trying to be everything to everyone. Start with removing societal expectations. Create space for clarity, creativity and realignment. Slowing down allows us to pause, reflect, and ask ourselves the hard questions: Is this the life I want? Am I moving in the direction of my true goals?
This pivot—this intentional recalibration—gives you the chance to shed what no longer serves you and open up to new possibilities. It’s in these moments of stillness that we gain perspective. We tap into our intuition, and become more in tune with our deepest desires. Embrace this chapter. Let’s stop operating on autopilot and start moving with precision and purpose.
Think of it like a slingshot: you need to pull back to propel forward with even greater momentum. Slowing down is that pullback—it gives you the power to make bold moves when you’re ready. So, instead of seeing these moves and reflection as a setback, see it as the ultimate strategy for getting ahead.
Your best life is hiding just beyond your comfort zone, waiting for you to embrace the change.
Trust your intuition, honor your values, and don’t be afraid to start over as many times as you need. Your authentic self deserves the effort. So go ahead, take that leap, and watch the magic unfold. You’ve got everything you need within you to create a life that feels true, fulfilling, and unapologetically yours. Embrace the pivot, and let your brilliance shine.
If you would like a peek into one of my past lives… You can read a journal entry I made during that time HERE.
